Staple-isms

Ed: the old staples would have done it Staples: yes but now I'm the new metrosexual staples

Whacker's unanimous need their expensive porno.

Here's a quote: Never interrupt me when I'm jacking off, assholes!

What, it's Friday night, I'm sick in bed, I've got nothing better to do than jerk off.

Once I tried to jerk off when I was drunk but it just hurt and nothing came out.

I needed my stuffed toy GargleSperm to properly jerk off.

It takes a lot of planning when I spank it.

I don't even wack it that much. I just talk to much about it, there's a difference.

I'm not gay, I'm just curious.

If there was a guy who was effeminate enough, I would take him in the ass.

I wouldn't mind being female, because then you can be a lesbian.

You know, I'm really like a woman.

If it weren't for seeing couples like that, I'd be gay.

I like her father. I'd take him to the formal if he had tits.

Keanu Reeves is all T & A.

I prefer Golden Showers

I'm all good with sluts!

Hey, turn it back up, I like the noises!

I don't like French porn because I can't understand the plot.

I'm all about that hardcore porn.

I don't understand how people can get started in bestiality.

I'm not a little toy. I'm no good for twisting.

For God's sake, don't write this down!

If I can do nothing else, I can sound intelligent when I have to.

What is everyone's obsession with always touching me!

I bet if I kept poking you I could get some good quotes too!

You would think I wouldn't be any good at poker, but I am.

No, I really am smart.

I don't let shit pile up...I just wait till the last minute!

I was making a generalization statement which isn't always correct.

It's not my fault, and if it is my fault, I can deny it.

Don't make me squirm

I was being sarcastic when I said that.

I'm not a toy, damnit!

I have mental problems, but its not my fault. I blame it on the sea monkeys.

...the list of quotes will never end. Partially due to the fact that I never really stop talking. On this account I feel that we should disregard the "staplesism" list for something more feesible." (Quote from e-mail, original spelling intact.)

Before Women's Rights there were no marriage problems.

I mean, men used to just beat women with bats...

If I was a half-naked girl, I'd have much better handwriting...

I'd like to be a pimp, because then you can test the merchandise.

I prefer girls skinny as opposed to meaty.

The girls at University of Miami are beautiful and inept, it goes along perfectly with my plan, perfectly I said.

Jewel is such a good singer, and she's got such big tits.

Yo, I wanna meet this guy called Stroup, I hear he's got mad hoes.

I wish he'd give me one if his bitches.

It's one of my goals in life: to have sex.

We should randomly higher strippers and have them wander the house naked.

I need to have sex because I think I am missing out on something.

I find this series interesting because the people aren't naked.

I wouldn't continue with college if I could just keep taking drugs the rest of my life.

I come to college, I become dumber

I'd like to smoke crack someday just to show you it's not bad.

I only drink when I'm sad, depressed, or unhappy.

Hey, this stuff really is good.

You know I would never smoke dope it's for turkeys.

I'm not a stoner, I just smoke weed.

You know ... that cat will never understand what we're talking about.

It's so ludicrous that it's funny.

Don't eat poop. It is bad.

I hope they invent the immortality serum in my lifetime.

I like watching retards on TV because I know I'm smarter than them.

Look at today, we have things that decline our society; there is AIDS, terrorism, IMMIGRANTS...

Don't forget the people in Zimbabwe, they don't own stock.

They should put more ugly people in magazines so that it is more realistic.

We have a devoid of cups.

The second language usually precedes the first.

I can't imagine owning a house, I can't even take care of this room.

I only play videogames in hour and a half blocks of three to four hours.

Starcraft is my daddy.

I'd probably pee and break down crying.

I fear cooking the corn beef hash. I can't really cook anything at all.

The only video games I beat as a kid was when I cheated.

This ice is pretty choppy...when does the *zimbabwe* come out?

I say we go to hotels and grease palms and stuff.

You should have sex with a cat, man.

I am a miscreant, I need to go to the bathroom.

You can't pole me. I'm to pretty too be poled

Please don't pole me. I'll buy you all dinner.

I too would like to say do not put condoms in the freezer.

Po' black people got mo' problems

I gave your mom 25 cents; first she blew me then ate me out

I am immune to Vodka

Long Island is not part of New York. They pay different sales tax.